Its funny…
how someone will disrespect you and then have the audacity to justify why they disrespected you….oh but they didn’t mean to.
I wish…
I had a way with words.
I wish I spoke eloquently.
I wish I spoke poetically.
I wish that everytime I spoke it would set souls on fire, make hearts melt, awaken souls, and move mountains.
I’m struggling to find that “voice” I guess.
Its one of Gods greatest gift…its a beautiful gift.
If I’m not…
learning
working a job that will positively attribute to achieving my future goal
busy
I feel worthless.
I don’t like not doing anything. I always need to be productive.
I’m in love…
and its deep.
It’s not fake.
It’s not me thinking I’m in love but I am.
I’ve been with him for almost two years now and before this I NEVER believed in love…I didn’t even think it existed.
But he’s shown me that love does exist.
He’s shown me how real love is, what it feels like, what it looks like…
My feelings grow more and more each day and its scary.
Its scary because these feelings could go away and if they did then I’d know maybe I wasn’t in love at all.
Its scary cause his feelings could go away then I’d know that maybe he didn’t love me at all.
I think what’s more scary is feeling like I’m pure bliss and then having to regret it all…or be bitter.
I think too much I analyze too much and I’m going to try my best to just enjoy this feeling.
The feeling of someone caring about your entire well being…your future…someone believing in you…someone loving you for who you are and who you’re becoming.
I’ve found love and I’m holding on to tight to it.
If and when I do lose it though it will hurt but I will be so happy that God showed me that love is real and I have the ability to love…with him.
Today…
I slept til 5…pm.
I literally slept for 12 hours.
I needed it though.
Right now I’m up and not going to bed anytime soon.
I spent the day with myself.
I went to see the Bob Marley documentary alone and it wasn’t bad.
Sometimes doing things alone is needed….
I walked around the city a little bit and just immersed myself into my thoughts.
It’s still surreal to me that I graduated…that I have a degree.
It continues to blow my mind.
All in all today was a nice day. Although I didn’t enjoy the weather too much I enjoyed myself.
Does not…
being around someone all the time, that you’re in a relationship with, equate to not being in one?
I don’t get where everyone’s logic is coming from.
You don’t have to be all over someone or around someone all the time to be in a relationship with them.
Odd…
I have a strong intuition about things.
I have been having one for some time now…maybe like two or three days but I won’t act or dwell on it.
The way I’m feeling though is not very good.
I don’t think something BAD is going to happen but I have a strong feeling that something displeasing is around the corner.
Looking for summer jobs…
is a full time position in itself.
One thing I don’t do…
I don’t treat myself.
I work hard but I don’t treat myself to things like clothes, pedicures, manicures, or going to a salon.
I don’t know if its in part of me thinking that a lifestyle of “treating myself” is not necessary for now as a struggling college student transitioning into a struggling graduate student.
But times like now I wish I did pamper myself while interning cause I have nothing to show for all the money I made. It all went to bills, rent, and groceries…but not to clothes, pamperings, and even little things I NEED.
When I do get a job this summer I’ll be sure to buy myself one thing or treat myself to two things. I deserve it. I work too hard.
Realizing that love CAN make you…
needy
emotional
crazy
irrational
Or maybe its because my friend has come for her monthly visit
Or it can make you like the above.
