May 2012
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Realization #727...
Words can alter how someone feels about you in a split second. Words are powerful. Think before you speak.
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Its funny...
how someone will disrespect you and then have the audacity to justify why they disrespected you….oh but they didn’t mean to.
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I used to...
shut down when I got upset.
I wouldn’t say anything.
I can’t describe the feeling of being truly upset and wanting to say something but being unable to do so.
No one understands but its like screaming but no sound comes out or no one can hear you.
I have a hard time confronting people and although I’ve gotten better in expressing myself. I have ways to go.
Not being able to...
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I wish...
I had a way with words.
I wish I spoke eloquently.
I wish I spoke poetically.
I wish that everytime I spoke it would set souls on fire, make hearts melt, awaken souls, and move mountains.
I’m struggling to find that “voice” I guess.
Its one of Gods greatest gift…its a beautiful gift.
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“Just why that you would overnight
Turn love to stone as cold as ice
I’ll...”
– “Rocket Love”, Stevie Wonder
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Its funny...
how music speaks to you when you don’t want to be spoken to.
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Life is moving too fast...
I’m overwhelmed.
I’m somewhat confused.
Everyone I want to confide in is not available.
Those I have to confide in just don’t understand or aren’t giving me enough.
I know what I want.
I have things laid out for me to get there.
But why can’t I see anything beyond that?
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If I'm not...
learning
working a job that will positively attribute to achieving my future goal
busy
I feel worthless.
I don’t like not doing anything. I always need to be productive.
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Realization #724...
Pride will either cause you to miss out on opportunities life provides…in extreme cases it might even slowly kill you.
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Summer Bucketlist..
My before graduation bucketlist helped me to do things in the midst of my psychotic schedule.
I want to make a summer bucketlist and commit to it.
I want to dye my hair.
I want to go on a mini vacation…alone.
I want to go running to the national mall.
I want to do something fun and out of my comfort zone.
Idk I guess I need to figure all that out. I want to have a fun summer though.
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Realization #723...
When you’re too busy worrying about something or trying to prevent something from happening you can cause what you wished wouldn’t happen to happen.
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Fear....
is a weapon of the enemy.
Fear can hinder our advancement, our growth…fear can prevent us from living.
In terms of love and relationships, I’ve always been fearful.
The idea or even conceptualizing love didn’t seem possible.
The idea of someone having feelings for you then changing…cheating…hurting…leaving you made me not want to experience love or even...
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This weekend
Was so fun!
Myrtle Beach is fucking ratchet!
Apparently it was bike weekend and this is a weekend when all the black folk come into town…enough said.
First night we went to the beach and the waves tried to carry me in the ocean like my ancestors…I dropped my phone.
So my phone is done…goner and I have to get a replacement for like the 6th. T-Mobile bout to start charging my...
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I miss...
Tumblr.
I haven’t been on in a while.
I’m in Myrtle Beach with my bros. I’m feeling nice and I can’t feel my tongue.
What have I been up to?
I’ve been working. I got my first check Friday.
I realized that I can’t live in fear in terms of my relationship and just let love run its course.
I’m looking for a place in NY still. If all goes well ill...
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Why...
is it that I always go out of my way to do things for people but they don’t go out of their way to do things for me?
I’m too nice.
I let people borrow my stuff then I have to ask for it back.
-_____________-
Why the fuck am I asking for my stuff back if you borrowed it?
Smh.
I’m pretty much over letting people borrow my things. I usually don’t ask for a while to see...
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Realization #726...
When you’ve expressed to someone that you want them to do something and they ask you if you still want them to do it, you should assume that the person does not want to do it.
At least they’re trying to consider your feelings.
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Looking for somewhere to live...
in NYC is so fucking hard.
The costs.
How close they are to a train that will take me to school?
How long will the train ride be to school?
Is there a supermarket near?
Is there a laundromat near?
Is it a safe neighborhood?
So many more questions I had than before.
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I'm pissed off at a friend...
apart of me is like fuck him…fuck our friendship because obviously he doesn’t care about it.
I feel like for the most part I’ve been expressing how I want our friendship to continue…to thrive.
Although it cannot go back to how it once was because I’m in a relationship with his close friend…I still want him to be my friend…my close friend.
I feel as...
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Do women really know what they want?
I have a friend who had a rough patch in her relationship.
Basically her lover was acting funny and not giving her what she needed.
She understood at the time though because he was going through some stuff.
She wanted the “old” him back…she wanted things to be the way they were.
Now that she has that “old” thing back…she’s unsure if she wants it.
...
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Realization #725...
It’s so crazy how one day you’re so enthralled in someone and then the next day walk by them as if they were a complete stranger.
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A Tribe Called Quest
Rugrats
Bill Clinton
Michael Jordan
Gushers
Gullah Gullah Island
Jellies
Nokia Phones
Full House
DZ Discovery Zone
TRL
Light Up Sneakers
Magic 8 Ball
Walkman
The Fugees
Bad Boy
Bright Colors
The Dress Socks for Girls w the Ruffles
Happier and Relaxed Time
THE 90s WAS THE BEST FUCKING DECADE EVER!
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I'm in love...
and its deep.
It’s not fake.
It’s not me thinking I’m in love but I am.
I’ve been with him for almost two years now and before this I NEVER believed in love…I didn’t even think it existed.
But he’s shown me that love does exist.
He’s shown me how real love is, what it feels like, what it looks like…
My feelings grow more and more each day...
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My brother...
Recently started wearing a pacer for his heart.
Apparently his heart is beating too fast. My little brother is also quite overweight and my mother is pissing me off because she’s not helping the situation.
She’s not changing his diet too much or encouraging him to go outside and ride his bike.
Today we went out to eat for her birthday and she let me brother order whatever he...
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Three fears...
dying a preventable death, not accomplishing my goals and gaining weight.
If you knew me and you knew of my family history you’d understand my last fear.
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You think you're better than everyone...
lol!
People’s ignorance at home never seems to surprise me.
If you ask me for advice Imma be blunt.
I’m not going to hide that shit.
I’m not going to sugar coat anything especially if we’re tight.
People always ask, “Hey Monique I need some advice on my life. Can you help me figure stuff out?”
Ok so maybe it doesn’t sound like that but they ask me a...
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I got...
accepted into Howard School of Law.
I’m confused about what I should do.
I am still going to NYU for my masters this Fall.
This just came out of nowhere.
Out of all the law schools I applied to this was the one I really wanted to go to.
I have some stuff to think about.
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Going home for...
my mother’s birthday tomorrow.
Lord knows I don’t want to be in Jersey but its Peggy’s birthday.
That’s worth going to Jersey for.
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Its funny....
we always say what we won’t do for the opposite sex.
We say we don’t think we can be selfless.
Compromise.
Patient.
Give ourselves to someone fully.
You don’t believe in love lol…or relationships.
But then things change when you meet that one person who makes you want to do all of those things.
And it happens naturally…it comes out of nowhere…
All of...
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Reflection...
Education is vital.
Without it one cannot thrive, grow or develop.
Education has been all that and more to me.
But there have been obstacles that could have complicated my education…but God and myself did not allow it.
I was supposed to come to Howard as a freshman but I was sick during my Senior year and didn’t receive nothing but loans.
My parents decided it would be best for me...
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Mother's Day...
My rock, my emotional support, my confidant, and close friend…many words can describe what my mother is to me.
She’s beautiful inside out.
She’s kind.
She’s patient.
She’s selfless.
and most of all she always willing.
I thank God for this woman. I thank God for him placing her in my life. I don’t know who would have been able to handle me or even do as...
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Today...
I slept til 5…pm.
I literally slept for 12 hours.
I needed it though.
Right now I’m up and not going to bed anytime soon.
I spent the day with myself.
I went to see the Bob Marley documentary alone and it wasn’t bad.
Sometimes doing things alone is needed….
I walked around the city a little bit and just immersed myself into my thoughts.
It’s still surreal to...
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I'm officially....
A graduate of Howard University!!!
I'm still...
Drunk and I’m at graduation.
Fuuuuuuuuck.
I might fall asleep.
I love....
Debating with my boyfriend.
I love having intellectual conversations with him.
All of it just sets my young soul on fire.
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Surreal...
I can’t believe I’m graduating tomorrow!
Its been a long, rough, and hard road but I made it.
I’m leaving better, strong, smarter and wiser.
I’m leaving with tons of memories.
I’m going to miss this school a lot. What I can say though is that I gained some of the best experiences and met so many wonderful people.
Howard University gave me the best three years of...
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God...
Has been so good to me.
I don’t know why…but he just has.
He’s never failed me.
I called and he answered.
I cried and he wiped my tears.
I was confused, he brought me clarity.
I lost, he guided me.
I was hurt, he healed me.
I was in doubt and he restored my faith.
I’m incredibly blessed and I know God will continue to bless me. Looking back on everything and...
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